You may be hearing the terms "toxic relationship” or "toxic person" a lot lately. So at what point do relationships become toxic? How can we recognize when we are in a toxic relationship? Let's examine what a toxic relationship is and what are its symptoms to find answers to these questions.
To answer this question adequately, we need to first define what a healthy relationship is, which can help us better understand the dynamics of toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship, there is respect, honesty, mutual support, the freedom to be oneself, and strong communication. Relationships that we consider healthy and positive in our lives often elevate us and our well-being. In such relationships, couples value and respect each other's thoughts, opinions, and dreams. However, this does not mean that disagreements and difficult times are never experienced in healthy relationships. It just means that these disagreements are usually constructive and handled in a healthy way that does not damage the well-being of individuals.
On the other hand, a toxic relationship refers to a situation where one or both parties are unable to communicate in a healthy way, lacking respect, trust, and exhibiting manipulative behavior.
We all desire to form healthy relationships that bring happiness into our lives. However, sometimes we can find ourselves in a relationship that affects our psychological health negatively, even to the point of threatening our existence. We call these relationships toxic, harmful, and life-draining, which all carry negative connotations. So what does it really mean? Simply put, a toxic relationship refers to a relationship that should make us feel good, but instead, it makes us feel bad.
In these relationships, various forms of psychological, emotional, physical, or sexual violence, manipulation, verbal abuse, control, jealousy, cheating, lying, and other unhealthy behaviors can be present. Such relationships affect not only ourselves but also our other relationships, because we can carry the negativity and trauma from these relationships to other areas of our lives.
We can easily call relationships with emotional, psychological, physical violence and abuse. However, sometimes unhealthy behaviors in relationships may not be so visible and we may push aside what we feel. But the fact that unhealthy behaviors are not so obvious does not mean that our relationship does not have toxic traits. Sometimes, we may have difficulty deciding that the relationship we are in is toxic and naming it as such. Accepting that a relationship we value and put effort into actually does not do us any good can be painful at the moment. However, if we can stop denying it, we can remove behaviors that threaten our long-term psychological and physical health from our lives.
We may think that such relationships can only exist in our romantic relationships, but toxic relationships can also be established among family members, coworkers, or close friends. Increasing our awareness of this issue, understanding what it means to have harmful relationships, and seeing the signals of toxicity in every kind of relationship we have can help us protect ourselves.
It is crucial to answer the question "What are the symptoms of a toxic relationship?". This is because this kind of relationship can cause psychological and physical harm to us and leave long-lasting negative effects on us. Recognizing the danger signs of harmful individuals and the symptoms of toxic relationships can help us protect our well-being.
If you frequently experience or feel the following situations, you may be engaged in this kind of relationship:
If you think that these situations are not unfamiliar to you and that the relationship may not be good for you, you can review the following 5 items to evaluate your relationship more objectively and get a closer look at the signs of a toxic relationship.
Toxic communication: Your communication with the other person may have given way to a sarcastic and critical tone instead of politeness and mutual respect. You may be avoiding the other person to prevent arguments or hostile behavior in such situations.
Jealousy: It is normal to feel jealous from time to time, but it can prevent you from appreciating each other’s achievements in a relationship. If the level of jealousy is causing you or your partner to constantly doubt and feel insecure, it may damage your relationship.
Controlling behavior: Does your partner often ask where you are or what you are doing? Do you feel that there is insecurity behind these questions? Or are you just doing this to know more about each other? If the questions you ask each other are motivated by the desire to control each other's behavior or to induce a sense of guilt in the other person, they can lead the relationship in a negative direction. In addition, comments such as "Shouldn't you wear that?" are made to restrict the other person's freedom are also controlling behaviors. These controlling behaviors are often rooted in jealousy or insecurity and can lead to negative outcomes.
Neglecting your needs: If you are too focused on your partner's desires and this causes you to disregard your own needs, wants, and comfort, then your current relationship may not be good for you. If your partner is acting in a way that considers your needs and desires and encourages you to fulfill them, then it may be a situation that requires you to make changes within yourself. However, considering whether your partner is taking advantage of this situation may benefit you in the long term.
Believing that your partner will change: You may believe that your partner will change and that their unhealthy behavior will pass by recalling the beautiful memories you had in the past. However, it may be difficult for these behaviors to change, and being exposed to these behaviors during the process may lead you to show submission behavior and normalize the situation. It is crucial to be careful about this situation.
Another question that comes to our minds is whether there is a possibility of healing a toxic relationship. Recovering from a toxic relationship can be a difficult and exhausting process and can only happen if both parties are willing to take steps to do so. This kind of relationship can only evolve to a healthy place if both partners individually and together want to improve themselves in terms of open communication, honesty, respect and awareness of their behavior. If both partners are equally committed to overcoming this problem, possibly with professional help, change can occur. A unilateral effort will not be enough to fix the relationship and may cause more damage. Sometimes, taking these steps mutually may not be enough to improve the relationship. In such a situation, the most positive thing we can do for ourselves is to end the relationship with the belief that we have done enough or to set boundaries between us and this relationship.
Healing a toxic individual can only happen if they are willing to change and accept their role in the ongoing problems. While willingness to change is the first step, it is not enough on its own. Becoming aware of toxic behaviors and gaining awareness of one's approach to oneself and one's environment that causes these behaviors is one of the positive steps that can be taken to move away from harmful behaviors. The path to change requires high motivation, courage to face ourselves, and patience. In this context, it can be useful for a toxic individual to seek professional help to get rid of toxic behavior and thought patterns.
Perhaps one of the most difficult experiences in life is coming to terms with the fact that the people close to us are different from the people we know. This confrontation can bring great disappointment.
Being in a toxic relationship can have negative effects such as unhappiness, fear of criticism and social isolation. Despite these, getting out of the relationship is not easy. Both the love we feel for the other person and the investments we have made in the relationship can make it difficult to make the decision to break up a relationship that we have tried hard for, but which is not working for us, can make us feel like a failure. Because of this feeling, we may continue to stay in the relationship.
However, changing our partner's attitude towards us may not be as easy as we think. If we feel that we have put in enough effort but it is not bearing fruit, we may need to get out of the relationship for our own good.
If we realize that we are in a relationship that cannot be changed, how can we get out of a toxic relationship with minimal damage? The following items can help us on this path.
Accept it: First, we need to accept that we are in a toxic relationship. Although it is not easy to characterize a relationship to which we attach our love and hope as harmful, the most important condition to take a step for ourselves is to accept that we are not in a healthy relationship.
Listening to feelings: Being in such a relationship can make us skeptical about our own feelings. Because whenever we share our feelings, we may be met with our partner's words such as "You're exaggerating too much." or "You've made it up in your head.". In order to get in closer touch with ourselves, it can be very helpful to write down our feelings and see more closely what we are holding ourselves in.
Evaluate why you stay in the relationship: There are different reasons why we stay in a relationship. Sometimes it's because we work in the same place, sometimes it's because we have a group of friends in common, sometimes it's because we are in relationships that are not good for us. Making a list of these reasons and realistically assessing whether they are worth staying in the relationship can help us make sense of the situation.
Develop back-up plans: One of the main reasons for staying in a relationship may be economic concerns or living in the same house. In such cases, planning what you need to do when you get out of the relationship can help you take action more freely. For example, if you think you will struggle financially, you can look for an alternative way of earning money or getting support from your family for a while. Planning in this way can make it easier to get out of the relationship.
Get social support: Social support is the best thing for us in difficult times. Relationships where we are supported and can be ourselves make us more psychologically resilient. You can benefit from the protective power of relationships by getting support from close friends or family. In this way, it will be easier for you to get out of the relationship that is not good for you and to recover afterwards.
Forgive yourself: After a toxic relationship, we can blame ourselves. This may be because we think that we have stayed in a situation that is not good for us for a long time, or because we have pushed away our friends who want to help us in this process. Sometimes we can see the end of a relationship as a failure. In order to forgive ourselves, we need to understand the dynamics that trigger our guilt and approach ourselves with compassion.
Give yourself time: We may be exhausted from the relationship we are in. Giving ourselves time to rest, to be alone with our thoughts and feelings, and to do the activities we love has a profoundly healing effect.
Sometimes, even if we realize that we are in a harmful relationship, we may hesitate to take action due to fear of the aftermath of a breakup. Ending a toxic relationship can be a challenging process, and even after the relationship has clearly ended, we may still feel its effects. In such a situation, we may experience not only sadness but also feelings of loss and grief. First and foremost, accepting that these feelings are normal and a part of the healing process can be helpful for us. Showing ourselves kindness and prioritizing self-care after separation can speed up our healing process.
During this process, we may sometimes miss our old relationship and want to go back to it. In these times, seeking support from friends or family members can reduce our sense of loneliness and help us understand the dynamics of our desire to return. Remembering the reasons why we ended the relationship and the behaviors that harmed us can reinforce our confidence in our decision to end it.
If we feel ready to start a new relationship, it's natural to be more cautious and question everything we encounter after our experience. No matter how sad our previous experience was, we can take steps towards a healthy relationship by using the awareness we have gained.
Although it may be difficult, ending a toxic relationship will ultimately benefit us over time. To make this process easier, you can start the "Healing After a Toxic Relationship" journey on our Relate App. Relate users have said that this journey has helped them feel better. We know how much courage it requires to take the first step toward healing, so we are here to support you. Let's walk this journey together!
